Billie Jean...

When I was a kid we had so many family members it was hard to know how we were related to everyone. I had more Aunts, Uncles, and cousins than my parents did siblings. But I never really questioned it, if i was told they were family, then they were family.
So was the case with Billie Jean and her siblings, Amber and Jamie. They were cousins, no questions asked, no hesitations to share everything. Billie Jean was the oldest of 5, she was so cool, tomboyish, adventurous, your regular free spirit. Her life wasn't easy, she had so many obstacles early on. One of her sisters was killed in a horrible accident where Bj herself, and her little brother Jamie both suffered some serious burns. Then her mother had another child who she wasn't in any condition to care for, so she was given up for adoption.
For so many years throughout her childhood Billie Jean was made to feel as though she was to blame for her older sisters death. She suffered so many emotional problems and had many breakdowns along the way to finding herself. But she did. She found who she was and it changed her. She came out to our family as a lesbian and found that all her fears she had been harboring for so many years were unfounded. We just loved her. We didn't care who she loved. When she had her daughter she was still in a rather unstable place in her life. There was almost an adoption, until she found that she loved her so much she needed to be the one to raise her.
In the last, oh way to many years to count Bj has lived about 4 hours from where I am so I have not seen her a lot. But when I did she always looked the same, she didn't age. So many of my childhood memories include her, some good, some bad, but all memories I will cherish forever. She scared me so many times when i was little, she threw me in the deep end of the pool, she just all around loved to torture her sister Amber and I. She was 7 years older than me and 5 years older than Amber, of course she would tease us and taunt us, that's what older siblings and cousins do. But I will be forever thankful that I knew her, that I had her in my life, even if it was too briefly.
I will miss you always Billie Jean. I know that you haven't been around but i have always known you were out there, somewhere living, laughing, just being you. It hurts me so much that you will not still be out there. That you will not get to watch your beautiful daughter grow into an adult. We will do what we can to help her remember who you were, and to be a smart, productive adult. Rest in Peace. Enjoy your reunions with your sister and grampa.