Monday, November 16, 2009
Friends don't always say the right thing.
So I had my lumpectomy on the right breast and a guided biopsy on the left breast on October 11th. At my follow up the my surgeon told me that he had gotten the clear/negative margins and that I was Cancer free!!! YAY! So I'm walking around for the past next two weeks on cloud nine, dealing with just the psychological stuff, and there has been stuff. Then I went and saw an Oncologist. UGH. She basically said that she believes that I should have opted for a Mastectomy, that she believes that it will come back and I will end up getting one anyway. Now I'm pissed. Not at anyone in particular, just in general. I'm scared, I feel broken. I'm heartbroken. I know it seems so silly to be so upset, they are after all, as a friend(?) so eloquently put it, "just boobs". But they're not, are they? It feels like so much more. I'm so angry at said friend for saying that, and for saying, "I had a feeling this would happen. I thought you should have done the mastectomy to begin with, you can get bigger and better ones." HOW DARE SHE? How dare she insinuate that she has any idea? I don't believe there is one person in my whole world who could have any idea what this feels like for me. I feel lost and alone. I feel afraid every day that the cancer is growing back. I'm sad, angry, scared, anxious. Broken